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You hold it together at work. You're the one who remembers everyone's birthday, because you set four reminders for each. But the effort is constant, the to-do list never shrinks, and by evening there's nothing left. If that sounds familiar, you may be wondering whether ADHD symptoms in women could explain it, especially if no one ever suggested ADHD when you were a child.

ADHD in women often looks different from the hyperactive schoolboy most people picture. It tends to show up as inattention, mental restlessness, emotional overwhelm, and an exhausting amount of compensating. Many women aren't diagnosed until adulthood, after years of being told they're anxious, scattered, or just not trying hard enough.

What ADHD looks like in women

ADHD is a pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity that makes it hard to function in at least two areas of life, such as home and work. The NIMH describes three types: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive, and combined.

In girls and women, inattention often dominates. A 2014 review of ADHD in women and girls found that clinicians tend to see girls' symptoms as "subthreshold" because inattentiveness is more prominent than hyperactivity, and that girls may develop stronger coping strategies that mask their symptoms. That combination is a recipe for being overlooked.

It's common, too. In a 2023 national survey, an estimated 15.5 million U.S. adults, about 6.0%, reported a current ADHD diagnosis. Roughly half were diagnosed at 18 or older.

ADHD symptoms in women

ADHD symptoms in women are the same core symptoms anyone with ADHD has. What differs is how they show up and how well they're hidden.

Inattention and mental restlessness

• Losing the thread of conversations, meetings, or what you walked into a room for
• Starting many tasks and finishing few
• Losing keys, phones, and paperwork, then building elaborate systems to compensate
• A busy, noisy mind even when your body is still
• Zoning out during tasks that don't hold your interest

Time, organization, and follow-through

The NIMH notes that adults with ADHD often find it hard to stay organized, keep appointments, and complete large projects. In practice that looks like chronic lateness, piles of half-finished projects, and deadlines met only through last-minute panic.

Emotional intensity

Emotional dysregulation isn't one of the formal diagnostic criteria, but it's part of the picture for many women. An expert consensus statement published in BMC Psychiatry in 2020 noted that difficulties with emotional lability and dysregulation may be more severe or common in girls and women with ADHD. Small frustrations hit hard. Criticism lingers for days. Calming down takes longer than it should.

Impulsivity that's easy to miss

Impulsivity in women often looks less like risk-taking and more like interrupting, oversharing, saying yes to too much, or impulsive spending. It's real impulsivity. It just doesn't get flagged.

What "high-functioning ADHD" means

High-functioning ADHD isn't a diagnosis. You won't find it in the DSM-5. It's an informal way of describing someone whose ADHD symptoms are real and impairing, but hidden behind good grades, a solid job, or a well-run household.

The cost is the part nobody sees. The 2020 consensus statement points to the compensatory strategies that may mask or overshadow ADHD in women: over-preparing, perfectionism, rigid routines, working longer hours than colleagues to produce the same result. Those strategies work, until a new job, a baby, or a parent's illness pushes demands past what they can absorb. That's often when women first seek help.

"High-functioning" can also be misleading. Functioning well in one area doesn't mean functioning well in all of them. A woman can excel at work and still be overwhelmed at home, or keep her household running while her own health slips.

Is it ADD or ADHD?

"ADD" is an older, informal name that many people still use, especially for ADHD without obvious hyperactivity. Clinicians now use ADHD for all three types. What people usually mean by "ADD symptoms in women" is the inattentive type of ADHD: trouble focusing, organizing, and following through, without much visible restlessness.

Why ADHD in women gets missed

There are a few overlapping reasons:

• Quieter symptoms. Inattention is less disruptive than hyperactivity, so teachers and parents are less likely to refer a girl for evaluation.
• Masking. Coping strategies hide symptoms, sometimes from the woman herself.
• Other diagnoses first. The NIMH notes that ADHD often co-occurs with anxiety and depression, which can make each condition harder to diagnose and treat. Many women are treated for anxiety or depression for years before anyone considers ADHD. (We've written about how anxiety and depression overlap.)

The NIMH puts it plainly: ADHD symptoms in girls and women are especially likely to have been missed in childhood, and sex differences in diagnosis rates start to even out in adulthood. A 2023 systematic review in the Journal of Attention Disorders of women diagnosed as adults found recurring themes of strain on emotional wellbeing, difficult relationships, a sense of lack of control, and, after diagnosis, self-acceptance. For more on how presentations differ, see ADHD in women vs. men.

Hormones and ADHD symptoms

Many women notice their ADHD symptoms change across the month or at different life stages. Research is starting to catch up. A 2025 systematic review of 11 studies found evidence suggesting a link between sex hormones and ADHD symptoms in females, particularly during puberty and across the menstrual cycle. The authors called the evidence limited, with small samples, and noted that menopause has barely been studied.

If your symptoms seem to shift before your period or during perimenopause, you're not imagining it. Research just hasn't mapped those patterns well yet, so a symptom log gives a clinician more to work with than the studies do.

How ADHD is diagnosed in adults

There's no blood test or brain scan for ADHD. According to the NIMH, a diagnosis in adulthood requires:

• Symptoms that started before age 12, which is why clinicians ask about childhood and may want to talk to family members or see old school reports
• At least five symptoms of inattention or of hyperactivity and impulsivity (adults and teens over 16 need five, children six)
• Symptoms that cause problems in at least two areas of life

A careful evaluation also looks for conditions that mimic or accompany ADHD, especially anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and mood disorders. That step matters for women, who are more likely to arrive with one of those diagnoses already in their chart.

Treatment for ADHD in women

The most common treatments for adult ADHD, according to the NIMH, are medication (usually stimulants) and psychotherapy such as behavioral and cognitive behavioral therapy. Effective treatment often combines both, and some people need to try more than one approach. ADHD coaching can help with executive-function skills like planning and time management.

When ADHD comes with depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder

For many women, ADHD isn't the whole story. It's the overlooked layer beneath years of depression, anxiety, or mood instability. When those conditions are severe or keep coming back despite treatment, getting the full picture right matters more than any single diagnosis.

At Amae Health, we treat complex mental health conditions, including Major Depressive Disorder and Bipolar Disorder, in integrated outpatient clinics. Our care teams bring psychiatrists, therapists, primary care physicians, and care coordinators under one roof, so a co-occurring condition like ADHD is considered as part of one treatment plan rather than in isolation. See how our integrated outpatient clinics work.

Frequently asked questions

What are the first signs of ADHD in women?

Common early signs include chronic disorganization, losing things, trouble finishing tasks, a restless mind, and feeling far more exhausted by everyday demands than peers seem to be. Many women recognize these patterns only in hindsight, often after a child is diagnosed or life demands increase.

Can you have ADHD and still be successful?

Yes. Many women with ADHD do well in school and work, often by compensating with extra effort, structure, and perfectionism. Success doesn't rule out ADHD. A clinician looks at impairment across areas of life and at how much effort functioning takes.

Is it ADHD or anxiety?

They can look alike and often occur together. Anxiety centers on worry and fear. ADHD centers on attention, organization, and impulsivity that have been present since childhood. Some women have both, and an evaluation should consider each.

Does ADHD get worse during perimenopause?

Some women notice that it does, and early research suggests hormones can affect ADHD symptoms. But studies on menopause are still very limited, so it isn't yet clear how common or predictable the change is.

How do I get tested for ADHD as an adult woman?

Start with a primary care provider or a psychiatrist who evaluates adults. Expect questions about childhood, current symptoms, and other conditions. Bringing old school reports or a family member who knew you as a child can help.

Key takeaways

• ADHD symptoms in women often center on inattention, mental restlessness, emotional intensity, and disorganization, rather than visible hyperactivity.
• "High-functioning ADHD" and "ADD" are informal terms. The diagnosis is ADHD, with three types.
• Masking and co-occurring anxiety or depression are two common reasons ADHD in women goes undiagnosed until adulthood.
• Diagnosis requires symptoms that began before age 12. Treatment usually combines medication, therapy, and skills support.

If ADHD has been sitting underneath depression, anxiety, or mood swings that haven't improved, you don't have to keep sorting through it alone. Request an intake appointment, and our team will explain how an evaluation works and what your first visit includes.

More than 1 billion people worldwide are currently living with a mental health disorder, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). While those numbers are global, the experience is always personal - showing up in relationships, families, friendships, and workplaces in ways that can be hard to explain or predict.

When it’s someone you love, helping can feel overwhelming. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, making it worse, or pushing them away. And when you don’t know what to do, fear often turns into silence. If you’re searching for how to help someone with mental health issues, this guide offers practical steps for what to say, what to do, and when to involve professional support.

Why Supporting Someone With Mental Illness Feels So Hard 

Supporting a loved one through mental health struggles can feel overwhelming because the situation is high-stakes, and it’s not always clear what will help. You might freeze, worrying you’ll say the wrong thing, or feel guilty for not noticing sooner. This reaction is common. A scoping review of 92 studies found that family caregivers frequently report psychological strain, social isolation, and practical stressors while supporting a loved one.

Another reason it’s hard: mental health symptoms are often invisible. Your loved one may look “fine” in public, then fall apart at home. That mismatch creates confusion, second-guessing, and mixed signals that make it hard to know what’s really going on.

Common Signs Someone May Be Struggling

Mental health concerns can show up in small, gradual changes. Someone may seem more withdrawn, less engaged, or emotionally distant. In other cases, the shift is more functional - changes in sleep, appetite, energy, or daily routines. When you’re supporting someone with mental illness, the goal is not to label - it’s to notice patterns that suggest they may need help, care, or professional support.

These signs don’t confirm a diagnosis, but they can signal that someone may need support. Look for changes that last more than a few days and affect relationships, work, or self-care. If you’re unsure how to help someone with mental health issues, start by observing what changed, when it started, and what seems to make it worse or better.

How To Talk To Someone About Their Mental Health

Create a Safe, Private Space

When you’re supporting someone with mental illness, the setting matters. Pick a calm time when they don’t feel watched, pressured, or stuck. Privacy reduces shame and defensiveness, which makes it easier for them to speak honestly. Even a simple line like, “Can we talk somewhere quiet for a minute?” often feels safer than a serious, formal sit-down.

Listen More Than You Speak

You don’t need the perfect words - you just need to stay present. Active listening builds trust because it shows you can handle their feelings without panicking or taking control.

What good listening looks like:

• You let them finish without interrupting
• You reflect back: “That sounds exhausting.”
• You ask before giving advice
• You stay calm, even if it’s uncomfortable
• You don’t argue with their emotions

Try open-ended questions like:

• “What’s been feeling the hardest lately?”
• “When did you start feeling this way?”
• “What helps even a little bit?”
• “Do you want support, or just someone to listen?”

Avoid Diagnosing or Labeling

Even if you’ve read a lot online, don’t try to label what others are going through. Guessing diagnoses can make them feel exposed, analyzed, or pressured - and that usually triggers defensiveness. The goal is to protect trust, not prove you’re right.

Labels can also create fear (“So you think I’m broken?”) or shut down (“You don’t get me at all”). Instead of diagnosing, focus on what you notice and what they’re experiencing: “I’ve seen you struggling, and I care.”

How To Support Someone With Mental Illness Day To Day

Offer Practical Help

When you’re supporting someone with mental illness, big speeches usually matter less than small, steady actions. Many people struggle with basic tasks when their mind is overwhelmed, so practical support can remove pressure without forcing them to talk. Keep it simple, specific, and easy to accept - “I can do this for you” works better than “Let me know if you need anything.”

Easy ways to help day to day:

• Bring food or send groceries
• Help with laundry or dishes
• Run one quick errand (pharmacy, mail, store)
• Sit with them while they make a hard phone call
• Offer a ride to therapy or appointments

Stay Connected

Consistency matters. Regular check-ins remind them they’re not alone - even if they don’t respond much. A short message can be enough to keep the connection alive without adding pressure.

Try low-pressure check-ins like:

• “Thinking of you today.”
• “No need to reply - just here.”
• “Want company or space right now?”

Be Patient with Their Progress

Recovery rarely moves in a straight line. If you’re learning how to help someone with mental health issues, one of the most important things is keeping your expectations realistic. Some days they’ll seem okay, then suddenly crash again - that doesn’t mean they’re failing. Healing can be unpredictable, especially when they’re building coping skills or starting treatment.

A healthier mindset is that progress happens in small steps over time. Stay steady, notice tiny wins, and try not to take setbacks personally.

Encouraging Professional Mental Health Support

If you’re worried about someone, bringing up professional support can feel uncomfortable - but it doesn’t have to feel forceful. A simple, steady approach usually works best:

1. Lead with care, not control: Start with what you’ve noticed and why you’re concerned, without pushing them to “fix it” immediately.
2. Use gentle, low-pressure language: Try “You don’t have to do this alone,” or “Would you be open to talking to someone?”
3. Offer clear options, not ultimatums: Therapy can provide emotional support, psychiatry can help with medication guidance (including mood stabilizers, when clinically appropriate), and structured clinical care may help when symptoms affect daily life.

If you’re unsure what level of care makes sense, our breakdown of PHP vs IOP can help you understand the difference between structured outpatient options. You can also help by finding providers, offering to sit with them while they call, or going with them to the first appointment.

What To Do If Things Feel Serious

Trust your instincts if their behavior shifts fast or their functioning drops sharply. Serious warning signs can include extreme withdrawal, hopelessness, risky behavior, or inability to handle basic daily needs. In those moments, don’t try to manage it alone - involve urgent professional support.

Quick checklist:

• They seem unsafe or out of control
• They stop eating, sleeping, or leaving bed
• They isolate completely and stop responding
• They express intense despair or “no way out” thinking
• You feel scared to leave them alone

How Amae Health Can Help

Amae Health is a psychiatry-led mental health clinic that provides structured, compassionate care in person. It’s designed for people who need support for depression, anxiety, trauma-related symptoms, mood disorders, and complex emotional struggles that affect daily life. Care is coordinated across a clinical team, so treatment can include therapy, psychiatric evaluation, and ongoing support based on real progress. 

Remember: supporting someone with mental illness doesn’t have to be alone. If you’re worried about a loved one, you can reach out to Amae Health to explore next steps, ask questions, or help them get connected to care. 

Contact Amae Health today to schedule an appointment or learn about referral options.

TMS is not shock therapy. That is the first thing to settle in any TMS vs ECT comparison, because that phrase, and all the baggage that comes with it, refers to electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), not transcranial magnetic stimulation. TMS uses magnetic pulses, involves no anesthesia and no seizure, and you drive yourself home afterward. Both are evidence-based brain stimulation treatments for depression, and both work. They differ substantially in how they work, what the treatment is like to go through, and who they are typically used for. Knowing the difference between TMS and ECT is what lets you and your psychiatrist match the treatment to the situation.

What Is TMS?

Transcranial magnetic stimulation delivers focused magnetic pulses through a coil resting on the scalp to a specific region of the brain, usually the left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, which is involved in mood regulation. The stimulation is targeted to that one site rather than generalized across the brain, and because it stimulates a small area without inducing a seizure, the procedure needs no anesthesia and takes place in an ordinary clinic or office, as the National Institute of Mental Health describes. FDA clearance came in 2008 for major depressive disorder, with obsessive-compulsive disorder added in 2018.

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At our clinics, a standard course of TMS therapy is 20 to 30 sessions, one per weekday, 30 to 40 minutes each, over about four to six weeks, and you sit awake in a chair for every one of them. No seizure is induced, nothing enters your bloodstream, and when the session ends you can drive yourself home and return to your day.

What Is ECT?

Electroconvulsive therapy is a controlled medical procedure performed under general anesthesia. You are given a short-acting anesthetic and an intravenous muscle relaxant to prevent movement, and electrodes on the scalp deliver a brief electrical current that produces seizure activity in the brain lasting under a minute. You wake within minutes, recover over the following hour or so, and need someone to take you home. A typical course is three sessions a week until symptoms improve, usually within 6 to 12 treatments.

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ECT is one of the oldest treatments in psychiatry and one of the most effective for severe depression. The FDA's clearance covers catatonia and severe depressive episodes in people age 13 and older with major depression or bipolar disorder who have not responded to other treatments or need a rapid response, and it is also used for mania and for certain presentations of schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. It is most often reserved for situations where fast, powerful relief matters: acute suicidality, depression with psychotic features, or catatonia.

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The stigma around ECT comes from portrayals that are decades out of date, from an era before anesthesia and muscle relaxants were used. Modern ECT is delivered in a monitored setting by a full medical team, and its main drawback is not what those old images suggest. It is the effect on memory, covered below.

TMS vs ECT: Side-by-Side Comparison

Effectiveness: What the Research Shows

Both treatments work. In head-to-head trials of electroconvulsive therapy vs TMS, ECT comes out ahead. A 2014 systematic review and meta-analysis in Depression Research and Treatment pooled nine randomized clinical trials comparing the two, with 384 participants in total. Both groups improved significantly. On the Hamilton Depression Rating Scale, the standard clinician-rated measure, scores fell by an average of 15.4 points with ECT and 9.3 points with TMS, a statistically significant difference (P = 0.011). The author concluded that ECT produced larger reductions in depressive symptoms, while the results also supported the therapeutic validity of TMS for people with treatment-resistant depression.

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A few things keep that finding in proportion. The trials were conducted between 2000 and 2011, largely with early TMS protocols. And "more effective" is not the same as "the right choice." Real-world TMS outcomes come from a different population. In naturalistic data from 42 U.S. clinics, 58% of outpatients with medication-resistant depression responded to a standard course and 37% reached remission. For someone whose depression has resisted medication but who is stable enough for outpatient care, that is the relevant number.

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In the head-to-head studies that exist, ECT delivers stronger short-term symptom reduction. TMS delivers a meaningful effect without anesthesia, without a hospital, and without the recovery and memory considerations described next.

Side Effects and Memory Concerns

Memory is the question people bring to this comparison more than any other, and it deserves a direct answer.

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ECT is associated with memory effects, particularly for events around the time of treatment. NIMH describes memory loss close to the treatment period that is sometimes more severe but usually improves over the days and weeks after the course ends, alongside headaches, upset stomach, muscle aches, and short-lived confusion. The largest analysis of the question, a 2010 meta-analysis in Biological Psychiatry covering 84 studies and 2,981 patients, found that measurable cognitive effects were mainly limited to the first three days after treatment. By 4 to 15 days, nearly all measures had recovered, and after 15 days processing speed, working memory, new learning, and some aspects of executive function had improved beyond where they were before treatment, most likely because the depression itself had lifted. Some people do report longer-lasting gaps in personal memories from the months around treatment, and that possibility belongs in the conversation before ECT.

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TMS carries no known negative effect on memory or thinking, and it requires no anesthesia. Its side effects are local: discomfort where the coil sits, tingling or twitching of scalp or facial muscles during the pulses, mild headache, and occasional brief lightheadedness. Those usually fade within the first week. Seizure is the one serious risk, and it is exceedingly rare. Screening for seizure history, metal in the head, and implanted devices is what keeps it that way.

What to Expect: The Treatment Experience

The daily reality of the two treatments could not be more different.

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A TMS session is a 30-to-40-minute appointment. You sit in a chair, awake, while the coil delivers pulses that feel like tapping on the scalp. When it ends, you stand up, get in your car, and go on with your day, then repeat tomorrow. There is no downtime and no preparation beyond an initial screening visit.

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An ECT session is a medical procedure. You fast beforehand, an IV is placed, and you are under anesthesia for a few minutes while the treatment is delivered in a hospital or specialized clinic with an anesthesia provider and a psychiatrist present. You wake up groggy, spend time in recovery, and need someone to take you home. Over several sessions a week for several weeks, that is a real commitment from you and whoever supports you, and ECT is sometimes delivered during an inpatient stay rather than as an outpatient.

Who Is Each Treatment Typically Recommended For?

These are different tools for different clinical pictures, not simply a better and a worse option.

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ECT is typically recommended when depression is severe, acute, or urgent, and the speed of response matters: someone at high risk of suicide, someone with psychotic depression, someone with catatonia, or someone who has not responded to multiple treatments. The trade-off of anesthesia and memory effects is accepted because the alternative is worse, and for anyone in that situation care for suicidal thoughts comes first.

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TMS is typically recommended for moderate or treatment-resistant depression in someone who is stable enough for outpatient care and can attend daily sessions, when there is no need for the fastest possible response. It is often the next step after antidepressants have failed and before ECT would be considered. For that person, a treatment without anesthesia, without memory effects, and without disruption to work or family life has real value, even if its average effect size is smaller.

Talking to a Psychiatrist About Your Options

Choosing between TMS and ECT is a clinical decision, made with a psychiatrist, that turns on three things: how severe your depression is, how urgently it needs to change, and what you have already tried. It is not a decision to make from a comparison table alone, including this one.

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At Amae, we offer TMS at our Los Angeles, Los Altos, and San Mateo clinics as part of our integrated outpatient clinics, where psychiatry, therapy, primary care, and peer support come from one team. We do not offer ECT. If our psychiatrists conclude that ECT is the better clinical fit for you, they will say so and help coordinate a referral, because the goal is the right treatment, not the treatment we happen to provide. If you are trying to work out where you stand, talk with an Amae psychiatrist. And if you are having thoughts of suicide right now, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is TMS the same as ECT?

No, and it is not "shock therapy" either. That phrase refers to ECT. TMS uses magnetic pulses targeted to one region of the brain, with no anesthesia and no seizure, and you stay awake and drive yourself home. ECT uses electrical stimulation to produce a brief, controlled seizure under general anesthesia in a monitored medical setting.

Does TMS cause memory loss like ECT can?

No. TMS has no known negative effect on memory or thinking; its side effects are scalp discomfort and headache, both short-lived and usually gone within a week. ECT can cause memory loss around the time of treatment that typically improves over the weeks after the course ends.

Which is more effective, TMS or ECT?

In head-to-head research, ECT produces larger short-term symptom reductions. A 2014 meta-analysis of nine randomized trials found average Hamilton scale drops of 15.4 points with ECT versus 9.3 with TMS, with both treatments producing significant improvement. TMS remains a well-supported outpatient option without anesthesia or recovery time, so "more effective" is not the same as "right for your situation."

Is ECT still used today?

Yes. ECT remains a well-established, evidence-based treatment, typically used for severe, urgent, psychotic, or catatonic depression and for depression that has not responded to other treatments. The stigma around it comes from decades-old portrayals that do not resemble modern practice.

Can you drive yourself home after TMS or ECT?

After TMS, yes. There is no anesthesia or sedation, so people typically drive themselves home and return to their day immediately. After ECT, no. General anesthesia means you need a support person to take you home and some recovery time before normal activities.

Does Amae Health offer ECT?

No. We offer TMS at our Los Angeles, Los Altos, and San Mateo clinics as part of integrated psychiatric care. We do not offer ECT, and if a psychiatrist concludes that ECT is the better fit for your situation, we help coordinate a referral to a provider who does.

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Citations

1. Micallef-Trigona B. Comparing the effects of repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation and electroconvulsive therapy in the treatment of depression: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Depression Research and Treatment. 2014. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25143831/ (Tier 1)
2. National Institute of Mental Health. Brain Stimulation Therapies. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/brain-stimulation-therapies/brain-stimulation-therapies (Tier 2)
3. Semkovska M, McLoughlin DM. Objective cognitive performance associated with electroconvulsive therapy for depression: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Biological Psychiatry. 2010. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20673880/ (Tier 1)
4. Carpenter LL, Janicak PG, Aaronson ST, et al. Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) for major depression: a multisite, naturalistic, observational study of acute treatment outcomes in clinical practice. Depression and Anxiety. 2012. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22689344/ (Tier 1)
5. 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. https://988lifeline.org (Tier 2)

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